Showing posts with label Comedy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Comedy. Show all posts

Thursday, February 1, 2018

Release Blitz w/Giveaway: Heavenly Pleasures by Isla Dennes

*** RELEASING TODAY !! ***

At Heavenly Pleasures, quite a lot of things are possible�

Heavenly Pleasures

HEAVENLY PLEASURES

Isla Dennes

Series: For Heaven's Sake Book 1
Genre: Chick Lit, Comedy, Romance
Publisher: Totally Bound
Publication Date: January 30, 2018

Meet Brooke, a self-confessed shopaholic turned reluctant brothel receptionist, as she stumbles through life, trying to live up to her parents� and fianc�s high expectations�at the cost of her now low self-esteem.

Who would have thought a group of working girls would help her rediscover her inner strength and finally tackle her personal demons? But at Heavenly Pleasures, the rules are made to be broken and new opportunities are just around the corner�


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Excerpt



�What the hell is wrong with you?� Scarlett asked, taking in my pale face and trembling hands.

�Some bloke just walked in here and asked me to have sex with him!�

Uggh! And he�d been all greasy black hair, gold fillings and overgrown �tache, like an aging porn star. I stifled the urge to throw up.

Shaking her head in disgust, Scarlett rolled her eyes. �Hate to break it to you, precious, but you are working in a brothel, you know.�

�But��

�But nothing. What the hell did you expect him to ask for, a burger and fries?�

�I kept telling him I was only the receptionist, but he didn�t seem to care. He told me he�d pay extra if he had to.� I fought to calm my racing heart and queasy stomach.

Scarlett�s eyes narrowed. She didn�t look happy. It occurred to me that maybe I should have kept my mouth shut.

�What do you mean extra? How much extra?�

�Um�� I swallowed hard. �Three hundred dollars.�

The temperature in the room plummeted as a blast of ice-cold fury filled the air.

What!� she screeched. �And you turned him down?

�But��

�Jesus Christ!� she hissed and bolted over to the waiting room. �Shit, where the hell is he now?�

My glance flickered toward the door. Scarlett�s followed. For the briefest of moments, I thought she was going to drag him back in and make him apologize for being an insensitive bastard.

Instead her eyes widened in shock. �What! You let him walk out of here? You selfish fucking cow. You mightn�t have wanted him, but what about the rest of us girls? Three hundred bucks and you just let him walk out of here? Jesus! Prue is going to go off her nut when she hears about this.�

Prue was the Madame and owner of Heavenly Pleasures. An outwardly serene woman with immaculate hair, but nonetheless seriously scary with a sinister reputation, not unlike Cruella DeVille on a bad day, and therefore someone I did not want to cross.

�Oh, please don�t say anything,� I begged, on the verge of tears. �Look, I promise if he comes back in, I�ll call you out straight away�before JoJo. Just don�t mention it to Prue. I was just a bit taken aback, that�s all, and didn�t know what to do.�

This part was true. Haggling for sex wasn�t something we�d covered in secretarial college. Maybe it was the look of pure terror on my face or possibly Scarlett was in a rare compassionate mood, but after a moment�s hesitation she stopped scowling, her expression softening in what could well have been pity.

�Okay. I won�t say anything�this time,� came with reluctance. �But of course I�ll expect some more bookings, if you get my meaning.�

Yes�her meaning was loud and clear. She was blackmailing me, but I was in no position to protest. I nodded.

Her mood lightened. �Hey, cheer up, will you? So what if some ugly punter wanted a poke? Jeez, you�re not the first one to have the hard word put on them by some tosser, believe me. Guys come in here, think they�re God�s gift to women and although they know you�re not a worker, it gives them a sick thrill to think they can convince you to drop to your knees for a blow job�even if it is for three hundred dollars.� She threw me a disgusted look and shook her head in disbelief. �I reckon in their pathetic little minds they�re convinced they�ve seduced you with their hot looks and charm. Losers, that�s what they are. Anyway, I suppose it�s probably just as well you didn�t take him up on it.�

�Really?� I brightened, seeing it as a sign I was forgiven.

�Yeah, the girls would have flattened you if you had.�

Oh, God. I felt ill. What on earth had happened to my perfect life?

Two months ago, I had never met or even spoken to a prostitute. Two months ago, I�d had no idea brothels even existed outside the red light district of King�s Cross. Two months ago, I�d thought French, Spanish and Greek were southern Europeans rather than hooker code for certain sexual practices. And two months ago, I�d been happily looking forward to marrying my fianc�, Brad, an up-and-coming lawyer who planned to be the youngest junior partner in the law firm where he worked.

Yes, two months ago my life had all been mapped out before me.

But that was before a day out in the city to catch up with an old friend triggered a series of events that would ultimately bring about my downfall. Yep, it was at that point I can honestly say my life had bit the big one, nose-diving to newly discovered depths of desperation and despair. I was completely screwed and I didn�t have anyone to blame but myself�


Heavenly Pleasures Tour Graphic

About Isla Dennes


Isla Dennes
Married, mother of one son and three daughters, Isla Dennes developed a love for writing while employed in her dream job as the owner of a book shop situated in a seaside resort town in NSW, Australia. Not content in simply reading every book in the store, she found herself compelled to create novels of her own.

Had she concentrated more on sales and less on writing she might well have retired a wealthy woman, but writing won out in the end, with the result being a lifelong passion for creative writing across a number of genres, including a brief but regrettable sojourn into horribly sentimental New-aged poetry which is best forgotten.

Social Media Links: Facebook | Twitter

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Contest runs from January 15 - February 1, 2018.




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Sunday, March 26, 2017

EskieMama & Dragon Lady Reads Sunday Spotlight w/Giveaway: Lunar City by Samantha Cross



Welcome to EskieMama & Dragon Lady Reads
Sunday Spotlight!

Today we are spotlighting Samantha Cross's 
Lunar City!

Enter below for a chance to win a copy of Lunar City from 
Samantha Cross!


Book 2 of the Lunar Rampage Series
Lunar City!



With the town barren after a string of werewolf attacks, Cora has packed up her things and moved back home, hoping to put the violent night of loss behind her for good. But when she returns a year later, just for an afternoon, she is gobsmacked with a new mystery: Max, the man she had fallen for, who was cursed with a life of lycanthropy, is now missing. And when a mysterious man in black arrives at her door looking for him, Cora knows he's in danger.


Her search eventually leads her to a city of the werewolves, and the king of all werewolves himself, who is none too pleased to discover she knows exactly who and what they are. She is forced to live in their compound, with an ultimatum: prove you are trustworthy enough to be freed before the next full moon, or suffer the consequences.

Cora's survival depends on this. Unfortunately, there are those within the compound who are eager to see her fail, and will stop at nothing to succeed.



Grab YOUR copy TODAY!


Q & A with Samantha Cross about Lunar City!

Tell us about Lunar City.

This is a sequel to Lunar Rampage, so you must read the first one! It’s been a year since the incidents in Lunar Rampage, and Cora is trying to get back into contact with Max after he’s been cursed by a werewolf bite. She finds him in a place called Lunar City, where he’s taken refuge with other werewolves that are helping him. Problem is, she’s not supposed to know about any of this, and she’s given till the next full moon to prove she’s trustworthy enough to leave the premises...or else.

This one is a lot more action packed, and laced with MAJOR romance.

What initially inspired you to write Lunar City?

My readers for the first one. I wrote LR with a cliffhanger just in case I wanted to do a sequel, but I never anticipated there’d be such a demand for it. I was getting letters every month asking me when I was going to write it. Just about all my feedback was dying to know what happens to Max and Cora next, so this entry is very love heavy.

Tell us little about the characters Lunar City.

There are A LOT of new characters in this entry. We are introduced to werewolf royalty, and they have a compound where they are taking care of other newbie werewolves. It’s an extremely diverse cast I’m proud of. Not only do I enjoy creating colorful characters, but I wanted them to be racially diverse as well.

What was the hardest part of writing this book?
Realizing that not every book is going to be written so quickly. Lunar Rampage happened over a summer, but Lunar City took a lot longer. It’s a much thicker book, with way more complex storylines and characters, so I wanted to do a good job. It taking longer was just a little frustrating.

What was your favorite chapter (or part) to write and why?

Much like LR, I’d have to say the finale. It’s where everything I’ve been building up to sort of explodes. It happens all over a city and...well, I’m going to keep this spoiler free.

What are your future project(s)?

I’m writing multiple books right now, so it’s more of a race to see which one gets finished first. I’ve got two romances and one post-apocalyptic. And of course, another entry in the Lunar Rampage series.


Now an exciting excerpt from Lunar City!

“I’m not going anywhere,” he announced.

“This isn’t multiple choice. I said leave.”

“No.”

“Max, you said what you wanted to say, now please leave.”

With both hands in his pockets, he smugly shrugged and responded, “I’m not leaving.”

I had had enough and if he wasn’t going to leave on his own accord I was going to have to force him out by own hand. I swaggered straight up to him and shoved my hands against his chest just to see if I could move him at all. Max’s chest was hard as a rock and I could feel the outline of his pecks beneath his white t-shirt. He had gotten much more defined since we had last seen one another, and because of this, it was like trying to punch a boulder.

Realizing I was physically inferior, I swatted at his chest in frustration and growled, “Get out!” I pushed at him a couple more times and internally I was screaming. I looked like some stupid woman from a black and white film, beating against her lover with her wrists like she was too weak and pathetic to put up a real fight. God, how predictable of me.

In a very bored tone, Max asked, “Are you done?”

Just for asking that I slugged him in the arm. “Screw you,” I said under my breath and then turned away and pouted. I was well aware that I sounded like a child.

“Hey, stop,” he said urgently, and then grabbed a hold of me by my arm and jerked me toward his body before I had a chance to run back to the door. He clasped his hand around mine and then placed it flat onto his chest.
I didn’t know what he was doing, and I attempted to escape, but we were mere inches apart from each other and I was being sucked in by his pale blue eyes that were staring down at me.

“You feel that?” he asked. My eyes mustered up the courage to break away from his gaze and I let myself focus on the fast thudding of his heart beneath my touch. It was racing like crazy. “It’s been beating irregularly since the second I walked in here. Would it do that for anyone I supposedly thought low of?”


Author Bio:

Samantha Cross is the author of the international best-selling Lunar Rampage series. She currently resides in a small town in Michigan with her two cats, laptop, and vivid imagination.

Social Links:


Samantha Cross Spotlight Giveaway

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Blog Tour w/Giveaway: His Fake Alien Fiancee by Patricia Eimer


His Fake Alien Fiancee

by Patricia Eimer Out of this World #2 Publication Date: February 6, 2017 Genres: Adult, Entangled: Select Otherworld, Standalone, Sci-Fi, Romance, Funny, Fake Relationship

BUY:

SYNOPSIS: Princess Perripraxis not only has to find a fiancĂ©—and fast—she’s got to find one who doesn’t mind that her “no makeup” face has green and purple scales. Otherwise, Daddy Dearest has plans that don’t include Perri’s compliance. Candidate Number One: Her sexy human best friend, Brandt. Bartender Brandt Turner didn’t need all those years in the army to teach him never to leave a man behind. Or an alien princess in need of a pretend fiancĂ©. If she needs someone to play the lovesick fool to convince her dad to let her stay on Earth, well then, he’ll let the world think Cupid finally took him out. But Perri’s father has no intention of playing nice—and he’s not above cruel and unusual alien torture to make things go his way. But Brandt is willing to complete the mission…however far he has to go.
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Excerpt:

He lifted his head slightly and nudged hers back with his cheek, intending to kiss her forehead. To be tender. To be a friend.

But her lips were there and they looked like strawberries against her green skin and he knew even as her eyes widened and connected with his that this was a bad idea.

He brought his lips down on top of hers and he found that he didn’t care. Didn’t care that she was the princess
of a galactic empire. That his best friend was in love with her sister. That she was green. That they were friends. That he’d promised himself he wasn’t going to get involved with someone he actually cared about.

Didn’t even care that the taste of her lips against his made him feel like he was falling off a cliff and into a serious pile of shit.

They both shifted, moving so they were facing, and he brought his hands up to cradle her face with his left while he wrapped his right around her waist, hoisting her off her own stool and into his lap.

She had her fingers entwined in his hair and was kissing him like he was her only source of air.

The tip of her tongue licked against his mouth, and he began to kiss back, chasing her into her own mouth. He
tightened his grip on her, pressing their chests together, and he fought the urge to shift his hips into her, to maneuver them onto the top of his bar.

They were friends and they’d had too much to drink and she was upset and this was the last thing either of them needed.

She grabbed the front of his shirt right above the top button and jerked downward, ripping the shirt apart and sending buttons flying.

Right, then. He kept a tight grip on her hips so she didn’t fall off his lap and brought his other hand down to start fumbling with the knot that held her sheet-toga-ceremonial robe thing closed.

She let go of his shirt and started squirming, pulling the hem up, refusing to let go of his lips, and he tried his best to help her get the thing off over her head.

“Wait.” He broke his lips away from hers and wrapped his arms around her waist, hoisting her up as he stood and dropped her onto the bar, pulling the material off over her head, trying not to drool because how had he not realized that she’d been going commando under that sheet?

“Brandt.” She grabbed the sides of his dress shirt and pulled him close again, pressing their lips together, and
suddenly his sweet little Perri had gotten forceful. “Didn’t you just tell me I’d been on Earth six months and I needed to go ahead and have sex already?”

“Well.” He wasn’t sure what to say. He’d been with a lot of women who liked it a lot of different ways. But he’d never been quite as turned on as he was right this very second with the little woman in front of him handling him like a rag doll.

“Yes?”

“And that it should be with someone who didn’t freak out when they found out I was green?”

“Uh-huh?” He studied her, some weird mixture of turned on and really fucking intimidated.

“That leaves three possibilities. Anderson Fox is not interested in having sex with a female. Mattias is in love
with my sister. And then there’s you. Ding ding ding, Brandt Turner, you are a winner. Now take me upstairs and take my earth virginity already.”

“Um…” he muttered once before she managed to press their lips together again, and all he could think was, “Sure.

Okay. Best to give the lady what she wants.”

“Now,” she growled.

And to think, he’d thought she was the mild-mannered alien princess in the lot.



ABOUT PATRICIA EIMER

Patricia Eimer is a suburban mom who has days where she feels like she’s barely hanging on. She currently lives in eastern Pennsylvania with her two wonderful kids and a husband that learned the gourmet art of frozen pizzas to give her more time to write. When she’s not writing—or shuttling her children to a hundred different places a day– she can be found trying to cook (and sometimes blowing up hard boiled eggs), reading and arguing with her dogs about plot points. Most days the Beagle wins but the Dalmatian is in close second and her mastiff puppy is making a break for the inside. Patricia meanwhile is a longshot fourth. When she’s not writing she can be found on Facebook, at her website (www.patriciaeimer.com) or blogging about her attempts at cooking and her complete inability to craft as a contributor to the Suburban Flail Blog (www.suburbanflail.com). She is also a connoseiur of really bad science jokes. Website | Facebook | Twitter | Goodreads | Newsletter | Amazon Author Profile

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Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Book Blitz w/Giveaway: Legal by Bree Dahlia

Legal_Blitz

Legal

by Bree Dahlia Publication Date: June 20, 2016 Genres: Adult, Contemporary, Romance, Comedy
Taboo. Wrong. Off limits. I know the drill. I know the rules. But damn, if he doesn’t get under my skin. And into my bed. There’s no reason for a woman like me, Successful, established, independent, To ever be sleeping with a younger man. A younger man with a hard, rugged, sculptured body. A body that can go all night. All night. I can’t resist, can’t turn him down. Can’t walk away. Because I’ve never known pleasure like this. Chase Nolan walked into my life and disrupted my perfect little world. And made it so much better. Enjoy it while you can, Jillian. Because there’s no way there’s a future for us. After all, is he barely even legal? ** Full-length standalone romantic comedy meant for adults only **
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About Bree Dahlia

Bree Dahlia resides in the Midwest, a place known for its steamy summers and bitterly cold winters. A fan of the sultry heat, she can be found playing outdoors until the temperature drops. Once the cold hits, she spends her time reading or writing next to the fireplace with a hot drink in her hand. Specializing in strong spirited women and the hot alpha males who love them, her stories range from lighthearted romances to sizzling erotica, with many shades in between. Love in real life does not always have a happy ending, but that is what her psyche craves and what is most often reflected in her stories.
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