Showing posts with label Humor & Comedy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor & Comedy. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Release Blitz: Walker by Rie Warren

Title: Walker
Series: Bad Boys of X-Ops Book One
Author: Rie Warren
Genre: Erotic romance, humor, thriller, suspense, military, action/adventure
Release Date: April 5, 2016
From the world of bad boys of Retribution MC comes a deliciously dangerous, scandalously sexy, four part series!
Good girl versus Bad boy. Southern charm comes head-to-head with military grit. They say opposites attract. That’s an understatement where Justice and Lawless are concerned. 
JUSTICE 
Let’s face it. I’ve got a bad rep with the ladies. I’m a rough-talking, smooth-loving, international playboy—yeah right, whatever—and an X-Ops specialist. Sure, I’m hiding a secret or two. Who isn’t? That’s the least of my concerns when I’m called in to lead an infiltrate-and-retrieve mission.
I’ve got my head in the game—the one firmly attached to my shoulders. An American embassy overseas is under siege, and I’m expecting to rescue the ambassador and his daughter, a stereotypical geeky damsel in distress, Matilda Lawless. 
Caught in the crossfire between explosive danger and wild desire, I’m in for the shock of my life. 
TILLY
I’m not looking for any man to save me. I’m pretty damn capable of taking care of myself, thank you very much. I have a successful career and was practically born and bred on a gun range, even if I can’t bake a perfect biscuit to save my life like a good southern woman should.
But there’s just something about that hardcore operative called Justice. He’s haunted and lonely, and I know that pain inside and out. It doesn’t hurt one little bit he’s been blessed with more than his fair share of good looks, plus a body that would make any red-blooded woman drool. 
Barricaded inside the embassy, under my father’s shrewd eyes, I intend to have Justice no matter how many times he says he’s not good enough. I see the way he watches me. With dirty, sexy, hungry lust. 
Fighting is what Justice does. Now I need him to fight for me. 
Warning: Graphic sex, graphic action, graphic language. Triple X caution.

“JUST A LITTLE R&R, he said.”
I listened to Storm grumbling through the industrial sized headgear affixed to my ears, the rotors of the HH-60 Pave Hawk whump-whump-whumping overhead and on the tail.
“Exotic location was the phrase I used.” I chuckled low in my chest. “Didn’t mention nothin’ about R&R.”
“Thought I’d at least be able to get my jock off without gettin’ my fucking head shot off.” Storm aimed me a look from the pilot’s seat, one sinister black eyebrow raised.
“I’ll get you a hooker in Dubai after we get out of this mess.” Unbuckling, I reached over and tapped him on the cheek, ignoring the growl that parted his lips.
In the cargo area of the Sikorsky helicopter, I checked my parachute, the altimeter, the straps of my harness, and my pack filled with all sorts of goodies. I was unofficially Storm’s copilot, but fuck it. The man didn’t need me. He could handle the chopper on his own without the usual five-man crew. He’d have to, because I was getting ready to jump ship in high-altitude, high-opening, full-on fuck-this-shit terror.
Storm snorted, and his deep voice rumbled over the ear-gear. “Unlike you, I don’t need to pay for my pussy.”
“Not after that time you caught syphilis, right, Kemosabe?” Ignoring the curses Storm slung my way, I started zipping into my fancy flight suit, checking and double-checking straps, buckles, my bailout O2 line.
Storm stepped into the back with a dip of his head. “Remember what Blaize said about covert mission?”
“The fuck. I’m always covert.” I wrapped my arms protectively around the desert camo pack snuggled against my chest like it was a baby in a papoose, because I knew what was coming next.
“Hand over the flash bang, Walker.” He opened his palm.
“Goddammit. I feel naked without my C-4. You know that.”
“Gimme.” Storm advanced.
“Motherfucker.” I watched while he dexterously unzipped the side pocket of my pack, eagerly snatching the two M112 demolition blocks of putty-white plastic explosives wrapped in a Mylar bundle.
My eyes narrowed. “Blaize is a bitch.”
“Head bitch in charge.” He pleasantly agreed. “Blasting caps? Priming unit?”
I placed both in his hands, my own shaking like a meth head giving up the last of his stash.
Watching hungrily as Storm placed my precious bundles aside, I muttered, “Blaize is definitely a chick with a dick.” Tearing my gaze from my favorite weapons, I grinned. “Bitch chick with a dick you got the hots for.”
“I’d rather dip my dick into a vat of boiling oil.”
“Like when you got syphilis? That can be arranged.”
Storm cuffed me on the back of the head. He was just lucky I was trussed up like a turkey for Thanksgiving dinner. Thanksgiving . . . heh.
Blaize Carmichael was our new hardnosed higher-up at Operation T-Zone. Op T-Z was an organization quite possibly unsanctioned by the PTB of the USA, because they didn’t need to know what we did behind enemy lines, in the line of duty.
We weren’t military.
We weren’t from the CIA Viper Pit.
We weren’t Black Ops.
We were darker than that.
Unlike previous operations managers who’d given years of orders over secure lines and in scrambled codes, Blaize had come on the scene, giving it the personal touch with an up-front team meet-and-greet. Yeah, the woman’s touch in the form of intense head games more mind-fucking than any passive-aggressive wifey could come up with.
By the time she’d debriefed us with her high-heeled boot up our collective asses, read us the riot act, and nailed us to the wall over every single possible past mistake and mission mishap, I’d gone home and drunk a bottle of tequila.
Blaize did have nice legs though.
I rubbed my sleeve across the mask of my helmet then peered at Storm . . . then gawped at the cockpit. The empty fucking cockpit.
“Wait. Who the fuck’s flying this thing?” I asked.
“Autopilot.” He hooked a thumb over his shoulder.
“Autopilot?”
“Jerry-rigged autopilot.” His smug smile did not put me at ease.
“I do not want to know.”
“Probably not, but it involves a selfie stick and duct tape and—”
“La la la . . . I can’t hear you.” Jesus Christ. I was gonna die tonight. I just knew it.
Rie is the badass, sassafras author of Sugar Daddy and the Don’t Tell series–a breakthrough trilogy that crosses traditional publishing boundaries beginning with In His Command. Her latest endeavors include the Carolina Bad Boys, a fun, hot, and southern-sexy series.  A Yankee transplant who has traveled the world, Rie started out a writer—causing her college professor to blush over her erotic poetry without one ounce of shame. Not much has changed. She swapped pen for paintbrushes and followed her other love during her twenties. From art school to marriage to children and many a wild and wonderful journey in between, Rie has come home to her calling. Her work has been called edgy, daring, and some of the sexiest smut around.  You can connect with Rie via the social media hangouts listed on her website https://www.riewarren.com. She is represented by Saritza Hernandez, Corvisiero Literary Agency. http://www.corvisieroagency.com/Saritza_Hernandez.html
Justice (Bad Boys of X-Ops Book Two): Pre-Order Now/Releasing April 25

Storm (Bad Boys of X-Ops Book 3): Coming soon
Bane (Bad Boys of X-Ops Book 4): Coming soon

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Saturday, March 26, 2016

Blog Tour w/Giveaway: Foolproof by A.J. Lape

Title:  Foolproof
Author:  A.J. Lape
Series:  The Darcy Walker Series, Book 5
Genre:  YA Mystery, Humor & Comedy
Cover Designer:  ’68 Zombie Comics
Release Date:  March 15, 2016
 Add to Goodreads TBR
Jon Bradshaw needs a girlfriend stat. When he convinces Darcy Walker to be his wingman at a speed-dating event, one debacle leads to another, and before you know it, they’re the proud new owners of a dead body. Problem is, the body has a tie to Darcy…making her a person of interest in a murder.

Things quickly jump from bad to worse when someone hijacks the name of Darcy’s alter ego, framing “Jester” in a Hitchcock-like blend of crimes that leaves her head spinning.

In FOOLPROOF, Darcy battles an adversary who tests her IQ while she navigates the daunting worries of a high school senior. Add on the emotional fallout of her latest caper, a cop breathing down her neck, and a hot but stubborn boyfriend, and she’s at her wit’s end.

Can she find her zen and unmask the real murderer? Or get used to a life of prison orange?
Amazon: US I UK I AU I CA
 Welcome to Darcyville 
The Amazon bestselling Darcy Walker Series has been compared to Veronica Mars meets Stephanie Plum meets The Black List. All novels are written as stand-alone novels, but a backstory is woven into each book. Reading order is Grade A Stupid, No Brainer, 100 Proof Stud, DEFCON Darcy & Foolproof.

Clean mature YA series for ages 13 and up due to graphic crime scenes.

What reviewers are saying


Darcy reminded me of a teenage Stephanie Plum. - Bex 'N' Books, Justine


"Defcon Darcy is my favorite in the series, but not only that, it is my favorite YA novel to date. A.J has the perfect voice to channel the perfect teen for pure entertainment, and to see it all come alive in this book was total joy!" - Lila Rose, USA Today Bestselling author of the Hawks Motorcycle Club Series.

"A. J. Lape has truly established herself as not only an extremely talented, 5-star mystery writer, but also a true master of romantic, gut-wrenching novel writing. I will go on record saying this book will knock any Nicholas Sparks book out of the water." - Julie Cassar, Amazon Bestselling Author of the Ruby Blue Series.

The way she brings her characters to life really makes you feel as if you know them personally -Amazon Reviewer

Her brand of justification is awesome. She makes everything make so much sense in a warped way - Sheri Spell, Two Bibliophiles Guides to Seriously Awesome Books



Book 1
AN AMAZON #1 BESTSELLER IN TEENS MYSTERIES & THRILLERS SPIES AND DETECTIVE STORIES! 

Fifteen years ago, Darcy Walker's parents thought it was a good idea to give her a unique name: Darcy, meaning "dark walker." Whether that was a stroke of genius or stroke of stupid, they definitely nailed the irony. She lacks direction, her grades stink despite a high IQ, she's boringly average--although flirting admirers claim otherwise--and God help her, she's infatuated with a bad-boy.

A bad-boy that her hottie best friend, Dylan, wishes would get acquainted with his fist.

And, oh yeah, there's that tattoo that was a royally stupid idea.

With her life spiraling out of control, everything changes when she skips class and finds a dead body...in fact, it gets worse. It jump starts Darcy's inner-verb, and her brain hardwired for action gets caught up in a situation she can’t let go.

Set in the fictional Cincinnati town of Valley, Ohio, Darcy falls into a world of threats, violence, and gangland exploits chasing down every clue to finger the murderer. When a fellow misfit is arrested for the crime, Darcy goes from zero-to-sixty trying to clear his name--constructing aliases, breaking the law, everything that makes perfect sense to her but reeks of Grade A Stupid to everyone else.

Trouble is...will she live to see sixteen?


Book 2
Available HERE
AN AMAZON #1 BESTSELLER IN TEENS MYSTERIES & THRILLERS SPIES AND DETECTIVE STORIES! 

Two weeks before junior year, Darcy hops a plane to Orlando for a little R&R with her best friend Dylan and his family. Fresh off the heels of solving three murders in Valley, Darcy plans to sit back and enjoy the vacation capital of the world…maybe if you're a noun. Darcy Walker, however, is nothing but verb.

Before her feet hit the Orlando soil, she's meddling in the disappearance of a five-year-old boy who vanished six months earlier.

With authorities still no closer to solving the case, Darcy is shanghaied by her impulsivity and runs headlong into that proverbial burning building, convinced she can bring him home.

She travels down a road that not only follows this missing child but branches off into the corrupt and sinister world of mob activity when she tampers in a case on which Dylan's detective grandfather is working.

After a near disastrous midnight meeting in a warehouse and a date with a mechanical bull, Darcy realizes she might've bitten off more than she can chew. Add the boiling flirtationship with her best friend and the appearance of his romantic rival, and she is in over her head.

Will she survive a life of flirting with death too easily? Or will her flirtationship with Dylan become the actual death of her instead?

For a girl with a habit of finding dead bodies, No Brainer gives Darcy Walker more of the same…surprising twists and turns…and running for her life.


Book 3
Available HERE
AN AMAZON #1 BESTSELLER IN TEENS MYSTERIES & THRILLERS SPIES AND DETECTIVE STORIES! 

Sometimes life smacks you right in the kisser with a whole lot of ohhhh craaaaap.

Just ask Darcy Walker.

100 Proof Stud picks up four months after No Brainer's cliffhanger ending, and Darcy discovers the aftermath pales in comparison to the crisis her heart is in. All of a sudden it's raining men, and this teenage heroine’s personal life turns her inside out.

Before she can sort out her feelings, she chases a spray-painting vandal and stumbles upon a case of identity theft right in her own backyard. Darcy jumps into the fray headfirst to prove she can hang with the big boys.

But it’s not just to hang…nope, she’s chasing reward money.

Tapping her band of misfit brothers for help, she turns Valley upside down trying to unearth the criminals. Problem is, the cloak and dagger goes high-octane, and she raises the bar on “crazy" in the process.

Bullets ring out…dead bodies appear…and Darcy rubs shoulders with the ultimate sociopath. In the midst of murder and mayhem, will she finally follow her heart or build a fortress of lies around it? Will she even get the chance?

 Book 4
Available HERE
Fisher Stanton, Valley High School's Nantucket wannabe, has a cheating girlfriend. When he hires Darcy Walker to chase her to a local club, in true Darcy fashion she stumbles upon a dead body. Thing is, this body has secrets...and Darcy's mysterious friend, Jaws, and the reporter, Tito Westbrook, have a vested interest. Both enlist Darcy to find the person responsible who has eluded them for years, but Darcy doesn't solve crimes for free anymore--especially where Jaws is concerned. Knowing Darcy's Achilles heel, Jaws blackmails Darcy into working for him.

In a true test of wills, Darcy and Jaws battle head-to-head--Jaws needs Darcy to help him end a bitter grudge war; Darcy needs Jaws to divulge the mystery surrounding her mother's death. Haunted by a past that shapes her present, Darcy will stop at nothing to get answers. Even if it means breaking the law and being disloyal to her new boyfriend, Dylan Taylor, in the process.

DEFCON DARCY gives Darcy's demons a name and ties up loose ends that make Darcy into the verb that she is. What she thinks she knows as truth, isn't. What she wishes wasn't true...is.

The problem is, when your life goes DEFCON 1, not everyone lives to tell about it.

A.J. Lape is the author of the Darcy Walker Series which has stayed on Amazon's teen's mysteries and thrillers bestseller's lists since its debut in 2012. She lives in Cincinnati with her husband, two daughters, an ADD dog, a spoiled hamster, and an unapologetic and unrepentant addiction to Coca-Cola--plus a lifelong love affair with bacon she has no plans to sever.

A graduate of Morehead State University with a Master's degree in Communications, she's a PI wannabe and recently joined the Citizen's Police Academy in her hometown but daily stops crime and kills bad people through the fictional ADHD character of Darcy Walker.

If the FBI ever checks her computer, she'll be wearing prison-orange due to the graphic and disgusting "wiki" articles she looks up...all in the name of career research, of course.